Tired of Pretending
by ncisgeek
Summary: Rachel is tired of pretending everything is okay. Dark fic.


"Rachel!" Will called down the corridor to the tiny singer.

"Mr Shue. What can I do for you?" Rachel shut her locker and shifted the position of the books of her hip.

"Can you sing a song in Glee today about how people do not think they are good enough but are?"

"Sure Mr Shue I've got the perfect song" He clapped her hands and only just managed to catch her books as they fell.

"I knew I could count on you Rachel" the teacher said before bouncing off.

"Right this sessions focus is perfection" Will scribbled the word up on the board.

"Oh little miss perfect will be singing then" Santana sighed. When will looked at her blankly she said "Berry"

"Yes Santana I asked Rachel to sing"

"What a surprise. If I didn't know any better I'd say Mr Shue fancied Rachel"

"That's enough Santana" Will said firmly "Rachel if you please"

Rachel got up from her seat at the front and stood in front of everyone "I'm going to sing Firework by Katy Perry

**Do you ever feel like a plastic bag  
Drifting through the wind, wanting to start again?  
Do you ever feel, feel so paper thin  
Like a house of cards, one blow from caving in?  
Do you ever feel already buried deep six feet under?  
Screams but no one seems to hear a thing  
Do you know that there's still a chance for you  
'Cause there's a spark in you?  
You just gotta ignite the light and let it shine  
Just own the night like the 4th of July  
'Cause, baby, you're a firework  
Come on, show 'em what you're worth  
Make 'em go, Aah, aah, aah  
As you shoot across the sky-y-y  
Baby, you're a firework  
Come on, let your colours burst  
Make 'em go, Aah, aah, aah  
You're gonna leave 'em all in awe, awe, awe  
You don't have to feel like a wasted space  
You're original, cannot be replaced  
If you only knew what the future holds  
After a hurricane comes a rainbow  
Maybe a reason why all the doors are closed  
So you could open one that leads you to the perfect road  
Like a lightning bolt, your heart will glow  
And when it's time you'll know  
You just gotta ignite the light and let it shine  
Just own the night like the 4th of July  
'Cause, baby, you're a firework  
Come on, show 'em what you're worth  
Make 'em go, Aah, aah, aah  
As you shoot across the sky-y-y  
Baby, you're a firework  
Come on, let your colours burst  
Make 'em go, Aah, aah, aah  
You're gonna leave 'em all in awe, awe, awe  
Boom, boom, boom  
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon  
It's always been inside of you, you, you  
And now it's time to let it through-ough-ough  
'Cause, baby, you're a firework  
Come on, show 'em what you're worth  
Make 'em go, Aah, aah, aah  
As you shoot across the sky-y-y  
Baby, you're a firework**" she stopped abruptly as Santana, Puck and Quinn yawned very loudly and sarcastically. "Excuse me?"

"Boring" Puck started to imitate snoring noises as Quinn spoke.

"Excuse me" Rachel said more quietly as she took her seat.

_Strange_ Finn thought _Rachel doesn't just give in like that._

Finn was sat in Spanish bored as hell. He started to flick his pen against his hand which created an annoying twanging sound.

"Mr Hudson I hope we're not boring you" the teacher said.

"Not at all sir" he stopped his pen flicking. Rachel was sat at her desk in front of him. Her long straight dark hair fell down her back and her fine fell over her face obscuring her view of the textbook before her.

_I'm gonna find out what's wrong with Rachel. She said her dads were out tonight._ Finn resolved.

Rachel sat on her bed in her room. A man popped his head around her door "We're going out now sweetie okay"

"Okay Dad" She stood up to kiss him on the cheek then waited 'til she heard the front door close and the car engine start. Removing her sweater and closing her curtains she went to the kitchen and pulled a sheet of paper out the draw. She picked up a gold pen and began to write.

**Dear reader,**

**I am sorry to say that I cannot do this anymore. I cannot hold my head up and pretend to be strong anymore. Dads I want to tell you that I love you very much and that I could not have asked for better parents. Mr Shue, I'm sorry that I could not be who you want me to be. Students of McKinley High, do not feel bad for me. I've had this coming for a long long time now. Your slushie's and teasing may have accelerated it slightly but I wish to thank you for making me do this before I hurt another person. Coach Sylvester you are a mean person but it would not be the same school without you. New Directions, you have helped me so much over my time at McKinley but now its time to move on. Santana, Puck and Quinn maybe this will help you to think before you speak. And lastly Finn. Finn I have always loved you and I know that I've hurt you so I am stopping myself from interfering with your life and causing more damage. I only ask that you remember me in years to come. Goodbye everyone. It is better this way**

**Rachel Barbra Berry**

Rachel stuck a gold star next to her name before reading the letter over. Once she had done this she pulled out a tub of pills. She pilled them one after the other into her mouth and finding herself unable to swallow started chewing them.

"Rachel?" Finn knocked on the door "Rachel you there?" he tried the handle and the door swung open so he entered "Rachel" he saw her sitting on the kitchen floor tears streaming down her face and a bottle of medication in one hand she was wearing a short sleeved shirt so he could clearly see the jagged red scars running up and down her arms. "Rachel! God Rachel! Spit it out!" he forced her to spit the tablets out. "Don't do that! Rachel don't do that!" he yelled

"Why? Why not? No one cares. What does it matter if I die? No one needs me" she cried back

"I do! I need you! The New Directions need Rachel Berry. I need you"

"But I hurt you. The glee club hate me you saw Puck, Santana and Quinn today"

"Its only because we need you Berry. You are the most important person in the world to me"

Rachel sobbed and collapsed into him

"Don't you ever forget it Rachel. Okay? If you died the world would lose a beautiful, smart, talented, funny, adorable girl forever"

They stayed embracing on the kitchen floor for over an hour before Rachel said "My Dads will be back soon. You won't tell anyone will you?" she gazed into his eyes fearfully

"Of course not Rachel. Just promise me you will stop this" he took hold of her arm "And you will not do this again"

"I promise Finn. I promise" with that she tore up the suicide note she had left and binned it "I promise" she whispered.

"Mr Shue I'd like to sing a song about perfection" Finn said with his hand raised

"Sure Finn come on up"

"Okay thank you." Finn went to the front of the room

"**Oh, her eyes, her eyes  
Make the stars look like they're not shinin'  
Her hair, her hair  
Falls perfectly without her trying  
She's so beautiful  
And I tell her everyday  
Yeah  
I know, I know  
When I compliment her she won't believe me  
And it's so, it's so  
Sad to think that she don't see what I see  
But every time she asks me, Do I look okay?  
I say,  
When I see your face  
There's not a thing that I would change  
'Cause you're amazing  
Just the way you are  
And when you smile  
The whole world stops and stares for a while  
'Cause, girl, you're amazing  
Just the way you are**

**Oh you know, you know, you know  
I'd never ask you to change  
If perfect's what you're searching for  
Then just stay the same  
So don't even bother asking if you look okay  
You know I'll say,  
When I see your face  
There's not a thing that I would change  
'Cause you're amazing  
Just the way you are  
And when you smile  
The whole world stops and stares for a while  
'Cause, girl, you're amazing  
Just the way you are**" Finn stared at Rachel while she was singing and Rachel stared back her lip curling into a slight smile.

Santana notice Rachel's gaze "Oh you pathetic midget. Can't you just accept that he doesn't love you. You're pathetic!"

"I'm pathetic?" Rachel snapped standing up "Is this PATHETIC?" she pulled up her sleeves to reveal her scars "Is it PATHETIC that last night I tried to kill myself and I am only here now because Finn made me spit out the tablets!" Rachel realized what she'd just said. She quickly rolled her sleeves down and sat down the hot tears once again pouring down her face.

"Rachel I'm sorry" Santana's voice sounded small and defeated.

"Rachel come here" Finn beckoned her. Rachel went to him and hugged him tightly. Soon all the Glee clubbers (even Puck and Santana) were round the miniature brunette squeezing her demons away.

"What are you doing?" Rachel asked them

"We never let go of one of our own" said Will joining in the bundle.

"**I hope life treats you kind  
And I hope you have all you've dreamed of**" sang Mercedes, Brittany, Santana and Tina

"**And I wish you joy and happiness  
But above all this I wish you love**" sang Artie, Kurt, Finn and Will

"**And we... will always love you  
We will always love you  
We will always love you  
We will always love you**" all the singers sang. They had formed to circles around Rachel and were rotating round her.

"Thank you" Rachel gasped. "This is completely random but

**Near, far, wherever you are  
I believe that the heart does go on  
Once more you open the door  
And you're here in my heart  
And my heart will go on and on**"

"Trust you to involve Celine Dion" said Kurt making everyone laugh.


End file.
